The Curse of Hair

Editor's Note: For many women the most traumatic part of cancer treatment is losing their hair. But the experience is not universal, not every treatment plan has this side effect.  Beth Gainer writes, that can be a mixed blessing.

Suzanne

Billy Crystal, in his popular Saturday Night Live skit "Fernando's Hideaway," made the following mantra famous: "It's better to look good than feel good." Like many viewers, I found this hilarious.

Then came breast cancer – and chemotherapy and radiation. I did not lose my hair during treatments, but I did lose a significant amount of weight.

I looked fabulous, but I was unbearably ill.

“It’s better to look good than feel good”?

Not so hilarious anymore.

At first, I felt lucky not to have lost my hair. But because I was young and looked good despite having cancer, people would trivialize my condition. Many would forget I was ill and were shocked when my cognitive skills were not up to par. I got labeled as being suddenly “stupid.”

Others were stunned when I described how terrible I felt. “But you look so good,” they would say to me, as if that could comfort me. Really shocking was that many women who knew I was fighting cancer were jealous of my flat tummy and my ability to lose weight so quickly.

I would tell them that I could hardly eat anything because I was so sick from cancer treatments, but who listens to a woman with a full head of hair?

Ironically, my hair became a curse, and I found myself wishing that I had gone bald after all – for if one looks ill, others realize that this cancer stuff is for real.

In the end, I don’t blame those who made insensitive remarks. We live in a society that perceives if one looks good, then he or she feels good.

This is why if I could go back in time, the first thing I would do is shave my head and eyebrows and, if possible, sport my baldness with no head covering. I never wanted pity, but I realize that unless one looks sick, it’s easier for people to bury their collective heads in the sand and reassure themselves that the sickness doesn’t exist.

Breast cancer really drove home an important point: it’s far better to feel good than look good.

Beth L. Gainer has had numerous publications, including an essay in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer. Her popular Calling the Shots blog at www.bethlgainer.blogspot.com. offers information and advice on how to navigate the medical system. She is a contributing member of Medpedia and Navigating Cancer.


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